Still Today

Time is longer and slower when you are waiting on something you want to see happen. Its longer and slower since the date and times become mere blurs because your timing isn't what is Reality. Reality is a full blown renovation takes 6-9 months collectively. We were hoping 3 months. Hah. Reality is, you have to wait to get matched for adoption and then wait until the baby comes. We thought it might just happen in like 3 months. We are the 3 month people. We say "10 years" and its like 3 Year Reality Check. I think its almost more an issue for someone when they realize their faults and cant correct them...I try and try and try to live by my own accord, and then I realize what happens... I cannot. I break my own rules, I break my own laws, and I can't even keep my head focused on what I know is Reality vs. my own timeframe. Just now I am sitting at my phone wondering if I should text someone to push them to get something done on my own timing. I mean its tough, how can you be patient when your home is fully gutted, your living with your parents, and your waiting on your adopted baby to come and then get finalization. That is kind of crazy. I mean I don't think we are bad people. But we did this to ourselves. We really did. I do feel like they were the right decisions though, but at the end of the day, this is our life....this is IT, right now, and Reality says, "Look its a LONG AND SLOW road". Take your time. Don't run through this life. Don't run so far ahead that you miss the Now. Don't miss the Now, because there is some unique beauty in living in Today. Today is Hard. But its still Today. Its still Today... For God's laws are pure , His way is sure, His call is divine 

Hope

Heard in the night , heard in the Air
Heard from the mountain top valley down below side
Where can I run?! I cannot , I cannot
Where shall I go?! I cannot, I cannot
You hear my prayer, You hear my prayer!
Peace that is the creation of Peace!
HEARD HOPE<HEARD HOPE
HOPE is from an answered prayer
For the unknown is made KNOWN
The sight RESTORED
YOUR SPIRIT CONFIRMS OUR PRAYER
WHERE CAN I RUN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope.

Hear

It's amazing that God hears our prayers. He isn't a wooden block nor a picture hanging on a wall. But alive ! He heard my prayer. He will continue to hear my prayers . My God is alive ! Jesus is my way to the Father ... Jesus tell Abba that I need His help constantly ! For I am a sinner a dirty man , terribly sick and in need of a physician ... Let me have mercy today 

Contractors

I haven't written in awhile . 2016 is a hard year , I have felt alone a lot this year , I've felt outta control mostly. Work is weird , dealing with contractors makes you want to cry . God is here though. He has never left me. For I know the plans I have for you ,'my son '. I know this is true just having a hard time right now with all . Living with my parents has been good but tough too , i don't want to do this again . There is a reason why God says to us male and female He created them and that they should leave their parents . I guess that's the hard part for me is I see my life 5 yrs ago and how freeing that felt to be just Ashley and I and then came along Millie and now I feel like all is lost and I'm living with my parents again , losing all sense of identity or family I created. God help ! God answer ! Our family isn't complete yet , we don't have a home to live in that's our own , but we still need to be hopeful . God help! God ! Help! Please show me what contractor to use for Hardy ... Amen 

Some years

Some years are harder to write than others . 2016 has been a tough one, when I actually say that though to myself I feel better. Tonight is the RBI championship game and I am a little anxious , we have had a great season but winning it all would be amazing . There have been some amazing silver lining moments to this year , praying come Christmas we have our baby. Maybe it will make it all worth it

Tattoo!

I got a tattoo, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."

I focused much on the verse itself, but reading today, the verses around so what life to live here on earth with outsiders/unbelievers. God is faithful and He does send those to you that are His in the midst of the belief that none know Him... of course He always has a remnant somewhere...its hard to remember that. God is always faithful. We do have an accuser that wants to kill, steal, and destroy our lives and our faith in God. But we have a faithful God, who loves us. He loves us. Its hard to find Genuine Love. But he genuinely loves us. Somehow we have to un-muddy the muddy waters of our fears of who God is. Somewhere lodged in our sinful man is the idea that God isn't love. He isn't good. That He is always mad at me... May God and His perfect love cast out fear as it does in moments when we are pressing into God, when we just feel Him. In the moments we aren't, we take our stand, we call out with pain to a God that does hear. We don't serve a God that doesn't hear. He hears our prayers and in turn answers us according to His will and His good purpose and plan for our lives. Sometimes these align, frankly maybe they never do, and its because of this magnificent truth: "My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." Aka, God has a better plan/life for us.... He always has something better. Heaven awaits us. That will be much more than Earth.

God our Constant

One thing I realize and I continue to know more and more about myself is that I have a control issue; a power struggle rooted in fear. I want to control things in my life and make them look a certain way. This is sadly isn't how the world operates. We live in a fallen world, it is broken and its always revolving. One thing I also know is true, that there is only One Constant. One Secure Foundation , One Rock that I am called to build my house upon. His Name is Jesus. Although everything around me seems chaotic and constantly changing, He does not. "Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow". Its this place that I lay down my burdens: At the foot of the cross. This is where my soul finds its purpose and rest, my sanity and my clarity. I am not God. My life has been changing much lately. We have had 2 miscarriages. We are starting to walk down the path of open adoption and this has crushed my "vision" or my "border" of what I thought my life was going to LOOK like. That's another thing, I like to fashion what I think is supposed to happen for the future of my life. But when God brings you to a place where you cannot fashion anything, then the creative Creator can go to work and paint a picture you could never have drawn. The only constant in my life is Jesus. My work will ultimately leave me still feeling empty, even in the midst of growth. My wife will ultimately let me down , even though she is the most beautiful woman in the world. My kids will ultimately let me down, even though I would die for them. My house could burn down. My car could not start. My savings could literally go to nothing... But where will Tim Kriegel be? He will be okay, he will be resting at the foot of Jesus, he will be looking to the Center of universe. "Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with Great Joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before time and now and forever. Amen." Jude 24

Pain

Why wont You turn my winter into spring
My winter into spring;
Its as if these mountains of pain
Still have snow
Still have snow
What I would give for clarity
For Clarity


Why wont You turn my bitter into sweet
My bitter into sweet
What dungeons of my soul
That still have dust on bone
Dust on bone


If I lift these eyes will You be there>?
If I give hope a fighting chance
Will You let me down?
Will You let me down?


Teach me to Rejoice
For I don't know how
I don't know how
Hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay


That it will be okay...

Learning

Life is about learning , learning about life and all its craziness ... How to not make and repeat the Mistakes you once did ... Learn and move on . 

Gives and takes away

Somehow Job worshipped God 

Ecclesiastical

Life without God is impossible , it's impossible because they very thing you want from life is happiness. But without God you can't have happiness. So therefore life without God is impossible. It's meaningless. It's futile. It has no real benefits. Some would argue with this statement , but I think deep down if we were very real with ourselves and our friends and everyone in general, we know there is something missing. Therefore life without God is incomplete. Maybe that is the better word. It's incomplete because you feel there is something missing, but how can that be ? I lived a great life , I had great kids, a great job, I was Rotarian of the year , my retirement is secure , how then do I still feel like I am missing something ? This is the ironic thing of life . The One Thing we need , is sometimes, if not all times, the very One we never seek. I think this is vanity in itself , that man knows deep down there is a God and that God is the meaning to life , and yet man doesn't want to know God or accept Him. It's utter foolishness. It's utter bewilderment, and yet we all do it. What is wrong with us ? How can I go a whole day without thinking of God ? And somehow I think I'm going to be okay and be happy and full of life ? How can we constantly pursue worldly pleasures when we know they all lose their luster ? It's madness . It really is madness . We have a 100% chance of dying and yet we don't even talk about death. It's this don't bring it up kinda ghost in the room. Yes you and I are going to die . So we better figure out how to live and live eternal. That is why organic food is so popular. Modern medicine promises hope. These are not bad things but they can almost lead people to believe that death is not real in a way. Like somehow you can avoid it. Life without God is death. I don't mean death to your sinful self. I mean death to what your soul really longs for: Life. Again life without God is death. 

Secret to Life

The secret to life is this : "give thanks in all circumstances , for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Instead of always looking ahead or complaining about the lack of the now , we are to be thankful , full of gratitude and enjoy what God has given us. That is the secret of life: Jesus. You must have Jesus !!!! Happiness is only found in Him